24: T-O-U-C-H by Celita
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Find a Celebrate Recovery Group HERE
T-O-U-C-H
My obsession has a first name, its H-E-A-R-T
The process was simple as apple pie
If you took the time
To find what I kept shut inside
Then to your surprise and even to mine
This virtuous dime would wine and dine to have your time
To hear your mind and share her own
As feelings would grow
Before you know
The time to go meant don’t let go
Let’s take it slow
You became my hope
And thoughts would flow and override the “no”
That should have come out
But was held down by the doubt that I’d ever feel this way again
So I don’t want it to end, I must dive in
We must become more than friends
So I indulge and then, the high has left
And then what’s left
Just the harsh reality
That I went down like gravity
As my obsession was yearning
I was oppressed by my burning
My obsession has a second name, it’s T-O-U-C-H
And that was just the mental
Let’s not talk about the physical
Touching my heart wasn’t simple
But if done, it bred a handful of open doors into my world
A lot of keys to this girl
All I needed was that touch
The contact that meant so much
And after my heart had been open
And all the right words has been spoken
I longed for the next step, but
I just want a touch and that’s it
I just want to hold and stop there
I just want to look, but not stare
I just want to feel, but not linger
I just want your hand and lock fingers
But want I just want I can’t stop
It starts out a little and becomes a lot
What was once small has now become bigger
I thought I could cock but not pull the trigger
I wanted to point and aim but not fire
But how many know I still killed a man
It’s me lying there on the ground
I’m dead where I stand
I committed suicide to resistance
It was do or die and I did it
Because I thought if I didn’t I’d miss it
I’d miss the chance to experience this intimate moment with you so I grabbed it
But still died having to have it
And as the facade was broken something inside of me arose
And it became clear that
My obsession has a first name, its H-E-A-R-T
My obsession has a second name, it’s T-O-U-C-H
I think about them every day
And if you ask me why I’ll say
That if you touch my heart you’ll see
Just how E-A-S-Y I can be
This is what it came down to
I became just as open as girls making money although you didn’t have to pay me
You only needed to say to me
The things that would persuade me
That you were interested in the things that made me
And once that foundation was laid
Then the actual price had been paid
And I knew that if you really liked me that much
Then you would proceed with a look
And such and such
And then….and then…the touch
One thing leads to another
You know the rut
And now I’m stuck in this cycle so what can free me now?
I’m seeped in doubt
I’m caught in a bout
Ten count and I’m out
I scream and shout, what’s this life all about?!
This round and round?
This up and down?
These highs and lows?
How low can I go?
What’s the point in going high if I can’t stay at the peak
I’ve discovered my flaw, it makes me flinch as I speak
But now I need your help to break the habit I’m weak!
Father hear me, come near me, I’m crying out to you please!
I fell for the fake over and over, time and time, and now I’m through
But I know that I’ll go back if I don’t know what to do
I’ve left the ones who touched me and now I’m running to You
But I’m not sure You can hold me because I’m a gaping wound
I’m dripping with them, am I still pretty? Can you find worth in this life?
I heard you helped the hurt and gritty but I think You might think twice
When you see all that I’ve been through and the struggle I’ll be
I heard You took the hard cases and You made them holy
Really?
Because I’ve never been anything but a mess
Help me, hold me, squeeze me closely, touch my heart man
Caress
I don’t want just my hand to be slapped, show me how to get out of this trap
Cause if not I’ll go back
CAUSE IF NOT I’LL GO BACK
Please, fill in the gap
I’m doomed in despair
I want to sing a new song that goes like this
Let me share
My obsession has a first name, its H-E-A-R-T
My obsession has a second name, it’s T-O-U-C-H
I think about them every day
And if you ask me why I’ll say (I think)
That when He touches my heart I’ll see how H-O-L-Y I can be
I’m not sure how this looks for me but I’m W-I-L-L-I-N-G
Holy is what I want to be because I’ll D-I-E if you don’t help me
I’ll D-I-E if you don’t help me
I’ll D-I-E if you don’t help me
