14: "In the Midst of the Storm" by Kenneth Eishi Yasuda
As a follow up to this week's episode here are the show notes and the words to Kenny's poem "In the Midst of the Storm".
Check out Kenny and Sean doing their epic saga: Twisted Part 1 and Twisted Part 2
Listen to Kenny on Trackstarz talk about mental Health
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In The Midst Of The Storm
Just picture an adolescent who is questioning and wrestling with this God thing.
Yet his childhood had a perfect Sunday school attendance cause dad and mom bring
Him and his little sister along. Shh! Don't whisper or talk.
Listen to the minister preach on. Read along. Sing songs.
And according to the book of Psalms.
If your child strays off, as long as you don't spare the rod
Your child will come back intact and unharmed.
And then you've got me...
See I received Jesus as my Lord and savior at the age of seven.
Accepted Christ into my heart and was baptized at the age of eight by the reverend.
That's when I entered into the fellowship of the brethren.
At the age of nine, that's when I started walking in the prophetic.
A young juvenile boy whose childlike voice was speaking things of God that went far beyond
His own comprehension.
Grown women and men breaking down crying as this young one lays hands and penetrates their defenses.
No critic or skeptic could deny. This was no gimmick; no pretending.
Everything they saw was of God and it was all authentic.
Yet it all came to a screeching halt, but no one foresaw the direction he was headed.
See my childhood was sheltered so when I entered adolescence
Exposure to the dark side started a rebellion.
Kind of like Star Wars; I was a Darth Vader manifesting.
Mom and dad telling me to say no to drugs.
But everything inside of me wanted to become
And do the exact opposite of what daddy and mama did.
So I developed a Tupac persona: shaped and adopted it.
Mixed with a little Bobby Brown prerogative.
And shoot, forget going to school. I'm gonna do what Kanye did.
But I'll be perfectly honest it, didn't work out how I anticipated.
Cause now I'm a high school drop-out who didn't know how he was gonna make it.
Inside feeling depressed and hopeless.
Bottled up emotions kept suppressed but telling myself to stay focused.
But unaware I would be diagnosed with a bipolar illness I couldn't cope with.
So my remedy and medicine to handle a chemical imbalance that had me wrestling
With an emotional unconquerable giant,
Was to keeping walking forward and don't look behind ya.
Hook:
This is my story. This is my pain.
This is for all of those who have been through the same things.
They say when it rains it has a tendency to pour.
So witness me as I bare my soul in the midst of the storm.
One rhyme at a time, until I see sunshine.
One rhyme at a time, until I see sunshine.
It's funny, who would've knew that what my mama said was true.
That the life I pursued would have led me to this place
Where trees and flowers that bloom can only be viewed through a window that's bullet proof.
Cause shoot! I never ever envisioned in a million years
That at 16 years old I'd be sitting here.
In this 5x9 cell. No, there's no bail.
There's no escaping the Matrix- there's no Red Pill.
I guess incarceration was supposed to produce rehabilitation but probation violations
Brought me right back to jail.
I was a problem child. A hard-headed rebellious teen
Kind of similar to the ones you see on Sally Jesse and Maury talk shows on TV...
Only literally.
Yeah, I went from a PK in the church to serving 3 bids.
One in Juvi, one in boot camp, then finally a kid...
Became a man. Well, legally that is.
Paraphernalia, simple dime bag of weed got me in...
Yet another indictment.
But my experience in the county jail system didn't live up to the hype and appeal of something exciting.
So to occupy my time I began writing.
Hip hop became my way to mentally escape my physical confinement.
But still with all of my might I ran away from everything Christ-like.
But God wouldn't let go. So I had to fight twice as hard then most.
And I don't say that arrogantly in an attempt to brag or boast.
It's just that God had something more in store for this Heart of Gold.
Who would've thought that being behind bars was all part of God's plan.
I was just a little peon standing in the palm of God's hand.
And God had thought this all out in some far off land.
Before the beginning of time, had even began.
But nevertheless, behind bars is where I currently am.
Damn...
Hook:
This is my story. This is my pain.
This is for all of those who have been through the same things.
They say when it rains it has a tendency to pour.
So witness me as I bare my soul in the midst of the storm.
One rhyme at a time, until I see sunshine.
One rhyme at a time, until I see sunshine.
So now, I'm finally free off on an early release... I'm home.
With a bitter heart that had grown cold and hard as stone.
17 years old feeling all alone.
Feeling like the family black sheep so he decided he was ready at seventeen to venture out on his own.
So I dove head first into the real world. Like a falling leaf caught in the breeze the wind of God had blown
And brought me to this place.
I was finally free to be me with no restraints.
I guess I felt, if I separate myself and leave everyone else behind
That everything would work out just fine.
And at first, it did. But over time the euphoria high
Of being free quickly came to a halt.
And in the process somehow I caught
A slight case of amnesia.
I could no longer see me as me cause
I lost my key and couldn't open the locked door to the vault in my heart.
And with it, my identity was lost...
Too.
I can see me now. Standing outside of myself looking for myself but I'm missing without a trace.
Looking in the mirror but the person staring back was just a silhouette and image of a blank face.
So here, just put this mask on to cover it up and everyone will think you're okay.
Just keep a smile on your face.
That way you won't have to deal with the pain.
Cool? Straight!
But man, not before long, that happy Walmart icon smiley face was gone!
And just like Walmart's prices, I kept getting lower and lower.
Until I hit rock bottom.
A bipolar who went from manic to depressed at a speed faster then Flash Gordon.
Quick! This is an emergency! Dr. Jesus haven't you heard his plea?
This man's in urgent need of a heart transplant! We need to perform spiritual surgery!
And right then and there is when it all occurred to me...
You see, deep down in my heart, I honestly wanted to come back to God.
But I felt like I had strayed too far away.
And I had been gone for so long that I forgot how to pray.
I mean, I knew where to begin and end.
I just didn't know what to say between "Dear Lord" and "Amen".
But dear Lord, I promise if you take me back, I'll never stray again!
But be careful what you say man.
Cause even Peter told Jesus he would never betray a friend.
That he would stay true 'til the end.
But look what happened to him.
Before the rooster crowed, 3 times he denied his right hand man.
And that was Peter. A disciple of Jesus!
But look at you man. Why should you be forgiven?
You got a cigarette and drug addiction.
A promiscuous fixation with women.
And a mouth on you that'll make a sailor look religious.
And true indeed, your family are Christians.
So it's not like you're ignorant to religion.
As a matter of fact, you actually quote scripture to justify your sinful living.
So come on, you think God's going to forgive this?
Snap out of it. Come back to your senses.
But it's funny. How everything can change in an instant.
In a twinkling of an eye. So don't blink. Keep your eyes open at all times.
But wait, I ain't about to say what you think I'm going to say.
Cause I'm sure we've all heard and are sick of those typical Christian cliches.
You know, "If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that God has raised, the Son from the dead then you'll be saved".
Right? And look I'm not taking anything away from that phrase.
But many claim and think they're saved cause they base their faith on an outward expression.
See, they confess it with their mouths, but their inward faith is not authentic.
Cause what's scary, is if the smartest philosophical scholars with all their logic and book knowledge
Can't grasp the concept of God being Christ.
But spend their whole lives trying to find the meaning to life
Yet die before they find it, then any one of us can miss it, right?
See for me, it took God to flip my whole world upside down.
But inside now I've found
That all the women I slept with and crimes I plotted out.
All the drugs and liquor consumed to distort my vision and view on reality were actually only feeble attempts
To fill a God-shaped void that only He could fill.
And for so long I was unaware, that that void was even there.
But amazing grace how sweet the sound.
That erased all of my blame and now
Not a sin is traced or found.
Understand, this is more then just a spoken word piece.
This piece isn't just a piece.
I'm giving you a piece of me.
I want to introduce you to the Prince of Peace.
The one who can give you peace like no one else.
But God is love, and love is God. And love doesn't doesn't impose itself.
Like a perfect gentleman, He's standing outside of the front door of your heart knocking.
Shh... I think I can hear the voice of God calling...
Can you hear It?
Outro Hook:
If this is your story. If this is your pain.
Yo, I feel you I've been through the same things.
They say when it rains it has a tendency to pour.
So witness us as we bare our souls in the midst of the storm.
One rhyme at a time, until we see sunshine.
One rhyme at a time, until we see sunshine.
In the midst of the storm...
